I am reaching out for some perspective dear doctor. I do not know why I am reacting the way that I am. Currently pregnant 20 plus weeks unplanned pregnancy, went back and forth between aborting it. It's been 20 weeks and I'm still anxious fearful depressed numb nothing gives pleasure, I pray I beg God for relief but nothing. I found out I'm having a girl, already have triplets that I conceived from ivf. We were very happy I had no desire for a son. With this pregnancy people's comments all bringing me down, I feel that the years I took to get over the disappointment of not having a son actually reaching that stage in life when ur absolutely satisfied with life have all been snatched away. I can't even seem to enjoy the kids I have, I feel worse. Husband is supportive, I have a good career no stressors yet so miserable . I feel Allah has stopped listening and that makes me feel more guilty. I just want some re direction as what to do? Thank you I hope u will answer me.
*****************
Dear Sister:
Al-salamu ‘alaykum. I had read your message a while ago, and I have prayed on the matter more than once, and awaited until I can respond with any degree of confidence to your situation. Sister, I pray that your depression has lifted and that you are feeling better. You prayed for some perspective and I have asked Allah to help you gain that perspective. Allah reminds us in the Qur’an that we do not know which of our offspring will be the best (kindest) to us. And Allah reminds us that we often hate something and Allah knows that it is the best thing for us, or desire something and Allah knows that it is the worst thing for us. You have three blessed girls and a supportive husband, and suddenly found yourself set by depression when you learned that you are pregnant again. I fear that this depression is caused by something unhealthy and comes from darkness. Remind yourself that this last child could be the greatest blessing and gift to your family ever. If your depression remains and has not lifted, I would urge you to consider possible clinical (i.e. medical) causes. There are complex medical reasons why women at your stage in life become depressed with pregnancy. But as I prayed, I was not sure whether this depression is caused by biological reasons or by reasons from the realm of the shayatīn. If it is the former, medical treatment is necessary, and God is the best cure for all things. And if it is the second, spiritual cleansing is necessary, and God is the best cure for all things. As I said, I have prayed for you and I would love to know how you are doing now. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers.
Al-salamu ‘alaykum,
Shaykh Abou El Fadl