As salam mo alaikum,
I am 28 years old female. I am happily married since 2015 AL HAM DULILLAH.
I had a baby boy in 2016. He was hospitalized and diagnosed with large vsd (hole in heart). He was discharged after 19 days. He was then again admitted in hospital for his surgery. After a week he was given to me for a night and then again taken away from me. He was on ventilator till he died.
He was my first child and i did nothing but all the possible efforts to keep him safe and healthy. My husband supported me in every mean, he quit his office while our son was in hospital. He supported me very well and i am so much thankful for him for that. He is a good husband.
But now he says that he will not have baby for 2 year. This is the only problem we have. Even he says if i conceived before that time he will abort. Because he do not want to go through that process. Me and my husband are physically perfect and have no family history of any congenital disease at both sides. Secondly he is not doing this for some financial fears. we are AL HAMDULILLAH enjoying much more than the basic needs of life.
I want a baby, i miss him a lot. Whenever i see other women enjoying motherhood, i feel a bit bad. I do not want to think negative about them. But i am a human being, i try but i am unable to control that feeling of emptiness. I am living my life happily but i am dying inside without my baby, so i want it soon to be happy with my heart. I want to be called as mama.
I have read that it is not permissible to avoid babies without any sharai issue. I forgive my husband many times in whole day for this. I have read somewhere that HAZRAT MUHAMMAD صلی اللہ و علیہ وآلہ وسلم advised to marry fertile women. And some people says that a man can divorce his wife if she do not want babies. So what about the women? Does she have any right to ask for baby? I do not want to disobey my husband but this feeling of motherhood is not letting me to obey him completely. i try to accept his decision and wait for 2 years but i know i will not be able to do so.
I m praying to ALLAH ALMIGHTY. I am reciting QURAN and dua of HAZRAT ZIKRIYA , for babies. But i need you to give me some references from QURAN and HADEES, so i can convince my husband and live my life happily.
I am waiting for your response, i am in great pain.
Regards
[Name Withheld for Privacy]
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Al salamu alaykum. I pray that Allah (SWT) grants you and your family peace, mercy, tranquility, and health.
Dear sister, your message weighs heavily upon my heart. You have been given the most difficult test of losing a child. The Prophet (PBUH) has taught that women are not given a larger challenge than that of losing a child. I pray that you will be united with your baby in Jannah in sha Allah.
It is the consensus of Hanafi jurists that the wife has the legal and moral Islamic right to conceive and bear children from her lawful husband as long as there are no financial or medical impediments. According to every Hanafi jurist I know of, a wife may bring an action for talaq against a husband who refuses her the right of becoming a mother. As I am sure you know, the rights of a mother are sanctified in Islam because the Prophet (PBUH) has reiterated that Jannah is but under the feet of mothers, and the practice of the companions (may Allah be pleased with them) have consistently emphasized the right of women to obtain a separation (talaq) from their spouse if their spouse is unwilling or unable to fulfill the right to motherhood.
Having said this, dear sister, Allah (SWT) teaches in the Qur’an that Allah (SWT) has created spouses so that there might be tranquility between them (sakan) and further, Allah (SWT) has taught us to conduct our affairs by shura, or consultation, and consensus. I understand your urgent need for motherhood and I do not think it is lawful for your husband to simply decide not to respond to that need for a period of time. Simply put, it is not entirely up to him. At the same time, your husband might be suffering from the effects of the trauma of losing a child, and thus, feels a great deal of anxiety from the possibility of enduring such a test once again. It is best that you both discuss each other’s fears and anxieties and come to an agreement so that both your hearts would be at peace, and that your affairs are conducted through consultation and consensus. I would advise your husband, however, that the true Jihad is to endure strife and hardship with patience and resolve. Having gone through the trauma of losing one child, perhaps your next child would be your deserved reward, and would fill your life with peace and joy.
I pray that your husband can overcome his anxieties and fears and that he will find in himself the resolve to accept God’s will and judgment. I pray that your next child will be healthy and strong, and will be the just compensation for all that you have suffered.
This is my prayer and advice, may Allah (SWT) bear witness. In all cases, Allah (SWT) knows best.
May Allah (SWT) forgive us, our errors, and misgivings.
Shaykh Abou El Fadl